Marriage is one of life’s most important commitments. Entering it without addressing critical topics can lead to misunderstandings, tension, and regret. In Nigeria, cultural expectations, family involvement, and societal norms make open discussions before marriage even more essential.

This guide highlights 10 crucial areas couples should explore before tying the knot, complete with real-life scenarios, practical tips, and discussion questions to ensure a strong foundation for a lasting marriage.

1. Money Matters: Finances and Financial Planning

Money is often cited as a leading cause of marital conflict. Discussing finances early helps prevent tension.

Topics to Discuss:

• Income, savings, and spending habits

• Debt and loans

• Household contributions and joint vs. separate accounts

• Investment plans, business ideas, and long-term financial goals

Real-Life Example:
Chinedu dreams of starting a business after marriage, while Ada prefers a cautious savings plan. Through honest discussion, they agree to allocate a portion of their combined income for business while maintaining a joint savings buffer.

Discussion Prompts:

• What are our financial priorities?

• How will we handle disagreements about spending?

2. Family Matters: In-Laws and Extended Family

In Nigeria, family often plays a significant role in married life. Set clear boundaries to avoid misunderstandings.

Topics to Discuss:

• Frequency of family visits

• Family involvement in decision-making

• Handling conflicts with relatives

• Balancing support from both families

Scenario:
Ngozi wants to live near her parents, while Tunde prefers an independent household. They discuss expectations and find a compromise, ensuring harmony between their families and their marriage.

Activity: List family expectations and agree on boundaries.

3. Faith and Spiritual Alignment

Religion influences values, decision-making, and parenting. Misalignment can create tension.

Topics to Discuss:

• Personal religious practices and routines

• Spiritual expectations in marriage

• Raising children in a particular faith

• Handling differences in belief

Scenario:
A Christian bride and Muslim groom discuss their child’s religious upbringing before marriage, agreeing on a plan that respects both faiths while prioritizing unity.

Reflection Questions:

• How will we respect each other’s beliefs daily?

• How will we raise children with a balanced approach to religion?

4. Career and Ambitions

Career goals can affect relocation, time together, and household responsibilities.

Topics to Discuss:

• Short-term and long-term career goals

• Willingness to relocate

• Work-life balance

• Side hustles and entrepreneurial ventures

Scenario:
Ada wants to study abroad, while Chinedu’s career is Lagos-based. They explore temporary solutions and decide on a plan that accommodates both ambitions.

5. Children and Parenting

Children are central to many marriages. Discuss expectations to prevent future disagreements.

Topics to Discuss:

• Number of children desired

• Timing and spacing of children

• Parenting philosophy and discipline style

• Education and upbringing plans

Scenario:
Tolu wants children immediately, while Funke prefers to wait 2–3 years. Early conversation helps them align expectations.

6. Lifestyle and Living Arrangements

Lifestyle differences can impact daily happiness. Address these early.

Topics to Discuss:

• Urban vs. rural living

• Division of household chores

• Social habits and entertainment preferences

• Health routines and diet

Scenario:
Ayo enjoys quiet evenings at home, while Chioma prefers social outings. By planning together, they ensure both partners’ needs are met.

7. Communication and Conflict Resolution

Every marriage experiences conflict, but how couples handle it determines its impact.

Topics to Discuss:

• Communication styles

• Conflict resolution strategies

• Emotional triggers

• Openness to counseling

Scenario:
Chika avoids confrontation while Emeka is very expressive. They create a plan to manage disagreements calmly, strengthening their communication.

8. Intimacy and Romance

Physical and emotional intimacy is vital for a healthy marriage.

Topics to Discuss:

• Sexual intimacy expectations

• Emotional connection and affection

• Maintaining romance during busy schedules

• Personal boundaries and comfort zones

Scenario:
Femi prefers weekly date nights, while Ngozi enjoys cozy home evenings. Discussing preferences helps them compromise and keep romance alive.

9. Health and Lifestyle Choices

Health impacts long-term compatibility and overall happiness.

Topics to Discuss:

• Chronic illnesses or family health history

• Mental health and emotional well-being

• Lifestyle habits (smoking, alcohol, diet)

• How to support each other in maintaining health

Scenario:
If one partner has a family history of diabetes, they plan together to maintain a healthy diet and exercise routine.

10. Long-Term Goals and Shared Vision

Shared vision ensures alignment and a sense of partnership.

Topics to Discuss:

• Career and business aspirations

• Retirement and living arrangements

• Travel, personal growth, and lifestyle goals

• Core values and principles

Scenario:
Chinedu dreams of entrepreneurship, while Ada wants to focus on community projects. Early discussion helps them align priorities and avoid future tension.

Tips for Productive Pre-Marriage Discussions

1. Be Honest: Transparency prevents surprises and conflict later.

2. Listen Actively: Understand your partner’s perspective fully.

3. Seek Compromise: Differences are natural; focus on alignment.

4. Take Notes: Document decisions and agreements for future reference.

5. Consider Premarital Counseling: Professional guidance helps navigate sensitive issues.

Conclusion

Marriage thrives when built on clarity, communication, and shared vision. Addressing finances, family, religion, career, children, lifestyle, communication, intimacy, health, and long-term goals before marriage empowers couples to enter committed life together with confidence.

Proactive discussions reduce misunderstandings, strengthen trust, and foster emotional intimacy, laying the foundation for a happy and lasting Nigerian marriage.